it was fun while it lasted

I am the universe experiencing itself. Every day I see myself, interact with myself, laugh with myself, hate myself, wonder about myself. I communicate lofty ideas with myself and recruit other streams of myself to bring these ideas to reality. I search for meaning, for purpose, for reason, and I have been drawn to examine my own matter in this search. Each and every one of us are a tendril of the universe aching to be known, to be recognized for what we are, so that we may find the core of our meaning. On this quest, I found the universe. I held myself so tenderly with deep passion and compassion, and I knew, this is what I have been searching for. But the matter that kept these tendrils from fusing does what matter does. I was torn away from myself. And I, a confused and contaminated wisp of the universe which identified so strongly with the matter I inhabit, wished to rend a hole in an externalized concept of “the universe” so that I might step through and find myself again. It was there that I found terminus. I finally reached the end of knowing. There is nothing to know except that I am. All I see is real but the way I experience it has never been real. All pain, all suffering, all bliss, all love… it has all been a madness of matter, and I am not matter. I do not belong in or to matter. I do not belong in or to this body, these people, these currencies or these politics. I am not of, for, or with the physical.

I feel no pain.

I feel no joy.

I feel no love.

I feel no fear.

I only wait for decay and final silence.